Whatever it is that makes me dread praying – makes church so unpleasant – fills me with fear of getting too close to the truth – whatever it is, it isn’t God.
When I look at it properly, my life is a demonstration of Immanuel – God with us – he’s always been with me, always been ready to take me back. He’s shown himself to be trustworthy, but I just fear him.
What drives me away from him? Why can’t I be comfortable with him? Is it guilt about how I’ve betrayed him? If so, I clearly don’t understand what he and Jesus have done.
I actually think it’s because I don’t trust him – I don’t want to give myself up to him.
Anyway, I just wanted to say in front of everyone: it’s not God driving me away – it can feel like that, but it’s not.