Wrestles with God

There’s a plague across the land.

It leads to much evil and pain.

It deceives with its attractive twisting of the real truth.

Dare you whisper its name?

…new testamentitis…

“NTitis” has been with us in various forms for a long time, but I feel it’s having a real resurgence at the moment in some churches.

What is it?

NTitis, n. a basic failure to understand that the New Testament is fundamentally connected with, and built upon, the Old Testament, and the two cannot be divorced. This may often be connected with e.g. naivety, unfounded idealism, guilt, literalism, harsh judgement.

Let’s take an example:

In Phillipians 1 Paul spends some time talking about how happy he is to be imprisoned for God, and about how he is torn between wanting to die to be with God and wanting to stay in order to do all kinds of horrible things to advance the gospel.

This could lead us to think that whenever we feel discouraged or beaten down by problems that we are sinning by not following Paul’s example. It could also make us feel guilty about not really believing in heaven enough that we are still scared of dieing.

Of course, if we meditate on things a bit further we’ll probably realise that what Paul is saying here is a sort of public face he’s portraying – he’s trying to encourage others that their own suffering is worthwhile, and that heaven really does exist. I assume it wasn’t meant to make us feel guilty for being down about our problems, and I also assume Paul didn’t always feel quite as upbeat as this about his imprisonment and torture.

However, if we read and absorb a good bit of the Old Testament, we won’t have any problem realising it’s ok to feel down sometimes. There are the obvious choices like Job (who I’m always going on about) who complained and complained not just that his life was hard but that it was God’s fault, and God said he had spoken what was right, and Lamentations which is all about how bad things are, and begging God to make them better. There are also loads more examples: just how cheerful was Moses when God called him? (Exodus 3) Or Jeremiah? (Jeremiah 1) In fact a lot of the prophets seemed to spend their whole lives complaining to God privately and at Israel in public. There is a great tradition of complaining for God throughout the ages (that’s why I think this site is quite Biblical…)

And to go back to Paul, notice that I said if we meditate on it a bit we can understand better. That word meditate was delierate: another problem with taking the New Testament on its own is that it often feels like its meaning is pretty obvious; almost like we should just read it through once and then put it into practice. The Old Testament teaches us about the need to meditate on our “scriptures”. Not just by telling us to do it (e.g. Psalms 1, 18, 19, …,) but mainly by just being more indirect. You have to absorb the history and the poetry before it can teach you about God. It doesn’t just tell you the answers and ask you to try and believe them.

Another example: 1 Peter 1 tells us to “be holy”. It says it in a way that suggests that this is pretty easy. It tells us that we can do it – it’s possible. This could lead us to feel that we’re not good enough to be a Christian because we fail. Now, again, if we meditate on this we realise that Peter is encouraging us, not discouraging, and we also see some pretty raw expression of the kind of struggle we (I at least) face in Romans 7:15, but this lone passage doesn’t compare with the entire history of Israel, and most of the individual lives described in the OT, that are full of failure and disappointment as well as trust and obedience (Numbers 20, Amos, …).

So by absorbing and meditating on the way God treats his servants, both rebellious ones and just plain failing ones, and seeing the love and forgiveness flowing from him over and over, we can get some perspective on the fact that God does want us to do right, but that he is perfectly capable of forgiving us over and over and over and over more times than we can bear.

It might sound like I’m against the New Testament completely from the way I’m putting this. That’s not it at all (although I do admit I prefer to read the OT) – all I’m saying is that the writers of the NT in almost every case took it for granted that their readers would be familiar with the OT. Jesus referred to it all the time. Often what Paul is doing in his letters is trying to change a wrong interpretation of the OT, or to argue that Jesus has fulfilled a certain bit of it. If we read the NT without having it in the perspective of the OT we risk completely misunderstanding it.

1 and 2 Peter are among my favourite books in the Bible because for me they capture what I’m trying to say here – they build on what we (the human race) learnt about God during the entire OT history, and talk about the incredibly exciting new truth we now know, that suddenly makes the OT make a bit more sense.

All I’m saying is, most of your Bible is OT – I personally have learnt a lot more about God from the OT than the NT in my personal reading time, and it’s good stuff!

So read it, meditate on it, and write an article about what you discover 😉

It’s not often I read something that says somthing better than I think I could (I’m quite arrogant, btw), but here is one:

Quiet time guilt

Wow.

It has really moved me, and I want to add some thoughts below, but I would also like others to comment and reflect on this.

On his destination home while walking down his street on a midsummers afternoon he notices a man far off by the pavement of his traditional church.

‘No it couldn’t be it must be a large object instead, a human could not be lying like that on the surface of where all are treading?’ He says to himself. Unconvinced by his quick assumptions he continues walking down the same direction he sees this thing on the pavement. He almost arrives while he starts to detect that it must be something left for trash, but no. He first sees sneakers then jogging wear then a bottle in one hand with the other crouched up like a baby. ‘Oh my’! He says to himself as he reaches the church entrance where the figure openly lies. He suddenly starts to reduce his pace and wonders at what he sees? ‘What! Is this a person lying down in this hot weather while all pass, dehydrated and weary and in front of the church?!’

He says to himself while still walking. Passing by the lying figure on the ground at the entrance of the church, he suddenly stops as he almost passes by the head. ‘He is human!’ He says to himself. ‘And he must be tired it is so hot, and why is he just lying there burnt-faced eyes-closed and numb.!’ He knows that on the opposite side of his street has a shopping centre, few markets and bus-stops with people watching on and waiting. While to his left there are few ATM’s and people standing by and passing along. He finally bows his head down at the figure in despair and then slowly walks away with respect to what he has just seen.

Why does this man feel moved by seeing a figure by lying the high-street pavement?

Or is he moved at all?

Did he take notice that people were passing and watching, and was waiting for a reaction from them to the sight he saw?

Should he have done something to what he saw?

Did he care? Should he have just passed by like everyone else he saw did?

Should he care? Is there something to care about?

Finally what did he show respect to, himself or the figure by the pavement?

Is he horrible?….

I am stupid, I hear the lyrics of D.C Talk ‘Seek to confirm my suspision that I am still in need of a Saviour’

I total stink or is it that I am getting closer to God. If you spend five mins with me you’ll realise.

I am a lier, a creep, bad boy friend, lustfull, I smell am well over weight need to grow up. Need to realise that for a time such as this but why cant I change?

I dare not even put my name on here incase some reconises my name and I look like a failure but even if they do it is true and like it is all sin so hey prayer for me rightouse one! and as paul weller sings heal me holy man

I have recently been looking throgh Paul’s letter to the Corinthians and especially the bit about the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor 11 v 17-26). Although I have read this passage many times before, this time, it became very powerful.

It’s the bit when Paul says to the Corinthians that they do more harm than good meeting in the way they do. Trying to understand the background I looked into Chapter 1 and found out how the early church had sort of lost its way forgetting the centrality of the cross of Christ and ending up in big arguments. In chapter 11 I think Paul is saying that because the community of Christians didn’t recognise each other as part of the body of Christ, equal, chosen (Chapter 1) then what they did in their ‘meetings’ was harmful. Someone has said that there was too much spiritual snobbery!

So is it still the same today I thought? When we take communion do we recognise everyone as equal? Is it the same in other services…if we don’t recognise everyone as chosen by God … do we cause harm on each other?

I often come away from church feeling fed up. What I’m trying to do now is to ask whether those feelings are because I cannot tolerate other people’s expression of faith. Is it because their style of leading, prayers, ethics is not in line with mine that I find it difficult. This is a big problem because I can’t see how I can change my own feelings and beliefs whilst also accepting that others are just as right??

Andrew

Whenever anyone mentions the whole God-is-your-father thing meaning think of God actually like you think about your parents, instead of just saying the word Father at the beginning of prayers, all I can think of is that you have to be careful about that because some people have bad fathers so that could give them the wrong impression about what God is like.

But I always think – well, I’m ok for that because my dad’s a good dad so I don’t have to watch that because it’s ok for me to think of God as being like my dad – but I never actually get on to actually thinking about God as being like my dad.

Read that sentence again a few times. It honestly does make sense.

I once gave this web site address to my dad so he might read this, so I’d better think carefully about what I say! Dad: if you ever do read this, it’s absolutely fine for you to read it, but just don’t get too big-headed…

Because literally yesterday I actually thought about what I would gain if I did imagine God was a bit like my dad, and it’s a lot.

You see, my dad is the ultimate example for me of strength through weakness. He is the only person I know who has really been broken by God and come out better off. You see David wasn’t kidding when he said “Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” to God – God really does do that to people. But my dad’s the only person I know who (after years of “crying out by day, but you do not answer”) eventually got to where he could say “Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One,” “Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you.”

What is important is that my dad’s brokenness has not gone – he’s not some kind of cheesey “even stronger than before,” he’s weak – and God is strong through him.

So what has this got to do with God – surely God isn’t strong through weakness – he’s strong through strength, right? But this is the thing that thinking about this has really taught me – maybe that’s not the important thing.

What was the Psalm I was quoting? Psalm 22. And what’s special about that Psalm? It’s the Psalm Jesus quoted at the worst and most crucial time of his life: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” I always thought that that is the real reason it was important to Jesus to say that he was from the line of David, because this Psalm and others like it perfectly sum up Jesus’ life: strength through weakness.

OK, OK so Jesus is strong through weakness, but God the father is strong through strength, surely?

Well, maybe – I don’t know, but here’s what I thought: I don’t care!

I’ve come to a profound point in my life – I’ve never been here before – there’s a point of theology about this, and I don’t care! I don’t care what God is really like on some abstract plane, I care about whether I can get my head around what he’s like in some concrete plane.

Something I have trouble with with God is finding hime love-able. I can sort of be grateful (abstractly, anyway), but I don’t really feel there’s anything there to love.

But thinking about God as being like my dad – weak, broken, struggling to survive under the weight of … everything – that makes me able to love him.

(Blimey I’m making my dad sound like a psycho – I don’t mean it like that.)

If I think of the garden of Eden as God crushed under the guilt of starting all this when he knew this would happen, I can love him – if I think of God sending Jesus because it was the least he could do after he put us in this situation – if I think of God inspiring those beautiful, freeing words “Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless,” then I can love him – I can love God!

And yes, it’s theologically incorrect, and I really do care about that – (I’m not as postmodern as I think I am) – but it helps … I feel like I’ve taken a step forward here, and that doesn’t happen often.

So, if by just thinking something wrong I can feel something right then I’ll do it, and maybe you should too. What’s more important: that God is all-powerful or that God is love? No contest in my book: otherwise we’d just have the one testament.

Thanks dad.

I have just finished reading a book called “Losing My Religion” by Gordon Lynch and I would strongly recommend it to anyone stuggling with evangelicalism. The book explores what its like to feel fed up with the way evangelicals see faith, and goes on to talk about what to do next.

As someone who would say the basis of their faith is evangelical, I found the book to be helpful.

Just recently, maybe because I’ve just reached 40??, I have found great distaste in what we do at church. The way we over simplify faith and suggest to any that life’s real problems have an ‘abc’ answer to them.

Life is complex and even more so if you try and fit God into your emotions and feelings. Its great to have God there but sometimes her presence feels uncomfortable. I can often exist with God whilst also avoiding letting it really mean anything.

I want to experience God not be able to explain him to someone in short simple, and unhelpful ways. I don’t want a book by Nicky Gumble that answers all of lifes problems in less than 300 pages and I don’t want to get it wrong, because if I do, it suggests I know what is right.

Loose my religion – yes. Experience God – yes. How…refreshingly I don’t know.

Andrew Cook….40 today!

Someone said yesterday that they’d been speaking to an African Christian who pointed out that when we say things like “we’re so lucky” and “God has given us so much” that is an incredibly materialistic view of the world.

And this morning that set me thinking about how much God has given us spiritually: how nourished we are. And I thought: not a lot. I’m not necessarily trying to blame God here, although I’m not necessarily trying to absolve him completely either.

What is it like to starve? It’s a distasteful analogy I know, but think about it for a minute: how serious is our situation? Do we believe that we can’t live on bread alone? Someone who is starving is hardly able to move – they are paralysed, unbearably tired, dry and aching. How do you feel when you go to church?

I feel like we’re starving. Not metaphorically, but actually. I think we’re struggling on as if just going through all of the stuff will somehow give us our life back. But it doesn’t. We find a scrap here or there, and we hang on to it – we remember what it felt like to eat and drink from our creator, but it gets used up and we’re dry again, and the shades come down.

And I prayed this morning, and I’ll do it again now, that God will change this situation. Please God, feed us and cloth us, pick us up from the dust and let us feel your touch. We are weak, and the knowledge of your son is not enough – we need to feel him with us, healing us.

Although there are many ways we block you from us – and we renounce them now – I know we can’t fix this. Only you can, and we beg you to give us just a little of you.

Where are your promises? Where is the abundant life you promised?

Today I want to say not “O God thank you for giving me so much,” but “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” I beg you, take pity on me, on us.

“Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One.”

“Blessed are those in the struggle, oppression is worse than the grave. It is better to live and die for a noble cause than to live and die as a slave.”

It was these lyrics to a track by Black Samurai that first inspired me to write an article.

It is the subject and objects in the quote that interests me the most. What is the noble cause, who are those in the struggle and from what are they avoiding slavery?

It is important to me to note that the struggle is not just against anything but against something which is, or perceived to be, oppressive. It is not struggle for struggle’s sake, more a reaction to an unwelcome intrusion into their life or way of life. Many questions arise from this. Are they struggling against a majority and fighting for their right to exist as they have done or how they want to? Perhaps they are the majority and feel threatened by the new trends and ideas arising around them similar to countless situations through history? The other possibility is the struggle with the unseen or unknown. Rumour, disinformation and uneducated assumptions creating an imaginary enemy…

I then realised I wanted to expand what I was writing from more than just this quote to Hip Hop as a whole. There are also many positive reinforcements of Christianity to be found in the lyrics, “…When every thing is going down, when everything starts to frown… You should do what’s right for you but remember that God’s got you too…”

While it is true that some Hip Hop, especially that quoted in the media and commonly known by the public, lyrically pictures violence, drugs and death (as well as copious amounts of money being spent in frivolous ways) it should be pointed out that the fundamental driving force behind Hip Hop is that of reflecting the life, times and culture surrounding it: surrounding the artists. The fact that music from the US has a strong foothold in the market in this country and that violence, gun crime and drugs are a way of life for far more people than is true of the UK means that it is the dominant message which comes through. I am perfectly prepared to admit that there are a lot of ‘studio gangsters’ rhyming about a life style that they have little or no experience of and, while this goes against the principles of pure Hip Hop, I have come to accept it is no different to an author writing about industrial espionage when they are, in fact, a school teacher.

Listening to a full spectrum of Hip Hop, noting its influences and especially its geography can highlight the wealth of different expression out there. I personally prefer UK Hip Hop. Not just because I feel I can relate to it more easily but also because it usually conveys a far less violent and gun-related culture. There are many positive messages to be found in Hip Hop.

Creps by Scor-Zay-Zee talks about how we are a slave to fashion, warring with each other over such trivial things as a brand. More powerful messages are delivered in this track and I have recently been moved by it on a very deep level.

Hold Strong by The 57th Dynasty has the line, “Dedicated to all those who relate to the struggle”. In this case the struggle is defined as poverty in areas of the UK. I will not quote the whole song here but I’m sure the lyrics are available on the web. I would also encourage you to listen to the track.

Infectious Organisms – 23rd Psalm follows on from my previous comment regarding positive Christian reinforcements while still talking about a struggle with multinationals.

An often-quoted example of Hip Hop’s negative messages is Eminem. A national hit with a wide spectrum of ages almost over night, I’m sure he is a name you have heard of. I imagine that you are now thinking about a pretty sounding song you once heard on the radio or horrendous lyrics involving rape, drugs and murder. Well, some of his lyrics are exactly that, but in the words of his track ‘When The Music Stops’, “…this is crazy, the way we act, when we confuse Hip Hop with real life when the music stops…”. What really riles me is that the same parents that denounce him as purely providing negative influence to their children are the same ones who BOUGHT his albums for them, having never listened to it or the messages he really passes on: probably after listening to a radio edit of ‘Stan’… An album, like anything else, needs to be listened to in its entirety so as not to be taken out of context. While it should be commended that artists such as Eminem and Dr. Dre release ‘clean’ versions of their albums because they recognise the mainstream appeal of their songs, the tracks often loose their meaning through doing this.

A track by Black Samurai called ‘Don’t Kill Jah Baby’ sees oppression as “…Negative educated roots reinforcing systems, oppressive systems, can we be the victims tricked in a state of mind ‘cause the system keeps insisting, inflicting pain upon the brain. Everyday I hear the same lame excuse, who’s to blame? It’s a shame we a turning POW! white like cocaine, getting fucked up, sucked up and slain…”. It talks about continued oppression through history and rising up to crush this oppression. Another track by Black Samurai called Blackapela tackles abortion and the historically perceived supremacy by whites.

So what am I trying to say and what have I concluded from this? I guess I’m trying to offer an alternate view of Hip Hop and I have come to believe everyone is in a struggle of their own and the important thing is that you fight your corner and not sit idly by. I think I have also reinforced my belief in Hip Hop as an education: teaching the views and feelings of people all over the world.

Darkly

I’ve been worrying about this a bit lately, and recently I’ve read several bits of the Bible that make me worry more: why is God so interested in us believing in him?

The usual way we are told you become a Christian is by believing, turning away from everything we do wrong, and giving our lives to God (with Baptism fitting in somewhere in that process).

Fine, but why is believing as important as the others? Surely we don’t have any control over what we believe?

Also, isn’t it true that what’s important about becoming a Christian is that we have a relationship with God, which we are able to do because we have accepted the forgivness he is able to offer us because of the sacrifice that Jesus made.

Now, a good old fashioned literalist evangelical would be able to tell us that it’s logically impossible to have a relationship with a god or ask him for forgiveness if we don’t believe in him, but I would say that experience often suggests this isn’t true – that people with varying degrees of belief in God actually form a relationship with him before they come into a full state of believing in him.

All of this wouldn’t be too disturbing if belief were just one of the elements needed to reconcile us with God. But in fact it’s more than this – both Jesus (I can’t find the reference now – grr) and Paul (Romans 4) appear to refer to the whole process of conversion in a shorthand way by simply calling it “faith” or “belief”. The implication is that belief is the most important part of the conversion process.

[Perhaps a counterbalance to these quotes is in Matthew 19 where Jesus tells the rich young man to sell all he has and follow him, rather than believe in him. This implies the relationship stuff I’m keen on.]

Of course, as James (and very often Jesus – see all of Matthew) points out, true faith will lead to putting this stuff into practice. But here again the faith comes first, before being proved by your actions.

This all leads me to ask: what’s so great about believing that God saves you because you do it?

And that of course leads me to realise the great mistake I’m making. I want God to be rewarding me (by saving me) for some great work I have done – accepting him into my life and turning away from all I do wrong. But that’s not what it’s like, is it – I don’t get it because I deserve it.

So do I have a point at all? It still makes me very uneasy.

One encouraging thing though: on this issue reading the Bible has genuinely changed my mind: I thought I was pretty sure that the really important thing was asking God’s forgiveness and turning to a life following him (and believing was basically a means to that end), but I am now definitely aware that I’ve got some flaws in my worldview there.

Can anyone shed any light on this?