Looser Syndrone!

I am stupid, I hear the lyrics of D.C Talk ‘Seek to confirm my suspision that I am still in need of a Saviour’

I total stink or is it that I am getting closer to God. If you spend five mins with me you’ll realise.

I am a lier, a creep, bad boy friend, lustfull, I smell am well over weight need to grow up. Need to realise that for a time such as this but why cant I change?

I dare not even put my name on here incase some reconises my name and I look like a failure but even if they do it is true and like it is all sin so hey prayer for me rightouse one! and as paul weller sings heal me holy man

More harm than good!

I have recently been looking throgh Paul’s letter to the Corinthians and especially the bit about the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor 11 v 17-26). Although I have read this passage many times before, this time, it became very powerful.

It’s the bit when Paul says to the Corinthians that they do more harm than good meeting in the way they do. Trying to understand the background I looked into Chapter 1 and found out how the early church had sort of lost its way forgetting the centrality of the cross of Christ and ending up in big arguments. In chapter 11 I think Paul is saying that because the community of Christians didn’t recognise each other as part of the body of Christ, equal, chosen (Chapter 1) then what they did in their ‘meetings’ was harmful. Someone has said that there was too much spiritual snobbery!

So is it still the same today I thought? When we take communion do we recognise everyone as equal? Is it the same in other services…if we don’t recognise everyone as chosen by God … do we cause harm on each other?

I often come away from church feeling fed up. What I’m trying to do now is to ask whether those feelings are because I cannot tolerate other people’s expression of faith. Is it because their style of leading, prayers, ethics is not in line with mine that I find it difficult. This is a big problem because I can’t see how I can change my own feelings and beliefs whilst also accepting that others are just as right??


Seeing God as my dad and what I can learn from my actual dad

Whenever anyone mentions the whole God-is-your-father thing meaning think of God actually like you think about your parents, instead of just saying the word Father at the beginning of prayers, all I can think of is that you have to be careful about that because some people have bad fathers so that could give them the wrong impression about what God is like.

But I always think – well, I’m ok for that because my dad’s a good dad so I don’t have to watch that because it’s ok for me to think of God as being like my dad – but I never actually get on to actually thinking about God as being like my dad.

Read that sentence again a few times. It honestly does make sense.

I once gave this web site address to my dad so he might read this, so I’d better think carefully about what I say! Dad: if you ever do read this, it’s absolutely fine for you to read it, but just don’t get too big-headed…

Because literally yesterday I actually thought about what I would gain if I did imagine God was a bit like my dad, and it’s a lot.

You see, my dad is the ultimate example for me of strength through weakness. He is the only person I know who has really been broken by God and come out better off. You see David wasn’t kidding when he said “Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” to God – God really does do that to people. But my dad’s the only person I know who (after years of “crying out by day, but you do not answer”) eventually got to where he could say “Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One,” “Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you.”

What is important is that my dad’s brokenness has not gone – he’s not some kind of cheesey “even stronger than before,” he’s weak – and God is strong through him.

So what has this got to do with God – surely God isn’t strong through weakness – he’s strong through strength, right? But this is the thing that thinking about this has really taught me – maybe that’s not the important thing.

What was the Psalm I was quoting? Psalm 22. And what’s special about that Psalm? It’s the Psalm Jesus quoted at the worst and most crucial time of his life: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” I always thought that that is the real reason it was important to Jesus to say that he was from the line of David, because this Psalm and others like it perfectly sum up Jesus’ life: strength through weakness.

OK, OK so Jesus is strong through weakness, but God the father is strong through strength, surely?

Well, maybe – I don’t know, but here’s what I thought: I don’t care!

I’ve come to a profound point in my life – I’ve never been here before – there’s a point of theology about this, and I don’t care! I don’t care what God is really like on some abstract plane, I care about whether I can get my head around what he’s like in some concrete plane.

Something I have trouble with with God is finding hime love-able. I can sort of be grateful (abstractly, anyway), but I don’t really feel there’s anything there to love.

But thinking about God as being like my dad – weak, broken, struggling to survive under the weight of … everything – that makes me able to love him.

(Blimey I’m making my dad sound like a psycho – I don’t mean it like that.)

If I think of the garden of Eden as God crushed under the guilt of starting all this when he knew this would happen, I can love him – if I think of God sending Jesus because it was the least he could do after he put us in this situation – if I think of God inspiring those beautiful, freeing words “Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless,” then I can love him – I can love God!

And yes, it’s theologically incorrect, and I really do care about that – (I’m not as postmodern as I think I am) – but it helps … I feel like I’ve taken a step forward here, and that doesn’t happen often.

So, if by just thinking something wrong I can feel something right then I’ll do it, and maybe you should too. What’s more important: that God is all-powerful or that God is love? No contest in my book: otherwise we’d just have the one testament.

Thanks dad.