No Guilty Expression

I don’t really sin – ok occasionally I could spend more time praying or reading the bible. But to be honest at the most my white robes have smudges on the collar and cuffs.

From time to time, I sit down to ask God for forgiveness for my sins only to find that really none spring to mind.

Am I alone in this?

I really feel that there is something lacking in my attitude to sin. I feel that many of us could do with being a bit more convicted of what we do wrong. Jesus did die to free us from our sins – but as long as we act as though we were still ruled by our sinful nature, we are sinning and hurting God.

Obviously there are those that are of the opposite extreme that are be haunted and weighed down by their sins. But that is certainly a trap that I definitely manage to side step.

Why can’t I bring to mind all the hurts, failures and pride of my day? I have at times felt convicted of my sin but this is rare and normally caused by a particularly bad transgression [in human terms.] I feel that my blank mind comes from two causes: the devil and my lack of interest. I think that throughout the day and especially as one comes to review the past hours, days and weeks, the devil carefully shades our eyes, distracts our minds and dwells much more on our own hurts and fears. Our own natures seem to work in harmony with this; I feel that I am not truly interested in noticing my sins. Sins do not jump out at me, either during their perpetration or later in recollection because deep down I don’t want to know and don’t really care.

Yet I remain convicted that I should care – that I owe Jesus so much, that surely I could take the time to notice the sins I commit that helped nail him to the cross. So how can I make myself more ‘sin sensitive’?

There seem to be two courses of action.

The standard Sunday school catch all of prayer. I feel that I should ask God to lift these sinful blinkers which make my shortfalls slip by unnoticed. Though of course you have to be careful what you ask for – do I really want to know? This seems a pretty scary option.

The other?

I could ask someone else to tell me…

3 Replies to “No Guilty Expression”

  1. Personally I often feel that it’s actually my feelings of guilt that lead me to feel “deadened” to what I do wrong, leading to not being able to think of things to confess.

    Do others summon up a list of wrong things when they pray, or just do a sort of general one?

    Very occasionally when I confess properly (often for doing something really bad) I feel really forgiven and happy…I remember one particular occasion when ~ and I confessed together and it really was dramatic.

  2. Yes, I agree. A lot of the time I don’t actually want to confess; it feels uncomfortable to think about. But it’s great when I actually face up to things and ask for forgiveness.

    > Do others summon up a list of wrong things when they pray, or just do a sort of general
    > one?

    Depends; sometimes I can think of particular things I’ve done to hurt people, for instance; other times there are many things I can think of that I *haven’t* done (eg be generous to the poor) which may be more general.

  3. Generally I just sort of feel bad about not praying enough and try to say sorry but because that doesn’t take many word I don’t feel I’ve really done anything so I don’t feel any different.

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